He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
