..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
