VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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