Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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