Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
