My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
