I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize