where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
