Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
