everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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