3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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