We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
