If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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