Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
