I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
