dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Drunk is not a location!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
