Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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