i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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