Apparently you make a good broom.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
two words...techno handjob
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Randomize