I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
