at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
