One girl and one boy is just not enough.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
