Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
