the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
