He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
