You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
