why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
