Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
