I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
