Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How naked do you want me to be?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
