I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
