I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
