so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
