im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
