Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
