So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
