i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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