Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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