She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
