if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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