Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
