North Korea, Best Korea!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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