I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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