I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
