I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
