I got chris browned last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
