I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
