remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
