You just made me feel so damn special
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm too high and old for this...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
