dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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