im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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