You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
