Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize