My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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