Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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