he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
