dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
