TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
