how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
