She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
