if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
