is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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