well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
