Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize