guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
