Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
