mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize