JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
