you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
