She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
