I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
