What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
