I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
