On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
