I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
