He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
