Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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