2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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