i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
