Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This baby is an asshole
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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