I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
