he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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