how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
