this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
