That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
