Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
