yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
