We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
