kristin has been a bad kristin
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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