If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
