It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
