hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize