Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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