"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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