She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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